I was, my dad always said, born smiling. It’s darn near impossible to find a photo of me without the ubiquitous Murphy-Grist cheek-splitting grin, so he’s probably right. After all he was there.

I’ve assisted a dozen dentists, periodontists and orthodontists in paying mortgages and sending kids to college. I’ve often been the only patient over 14 in my Key West orthodontist’s chair. When one has a set of chompers like mine — the kind that flash in the dark — one tends to need extra assistance.

A smile, especially when it’s coupled with a pair of sparkling eyes, can welcome a stranger, defuse a tense conversation, communicate across language barriers and soothe fear. Most of us have gotten darn good at the ubiquitous social media selfies and “Wow, look at us all happy and having fun” group shots. Heck, I’m betting you’ve practiced in front of a mirror to get your smile just right. A smile can signal we are sad, happy, cynical (think smirk), pensive or gleeful (note, I did not say joyful).

Joy and happiness are two different things. Joy is internal. Joy springs from a life lived in alignment with one’s values, a commitment to doing the right things, to seeking justice, building hope and fighting for peace. Happiness, on the other hand, is fleeting and often the result of an external event. One can be joyful and ridiculously unhappy at the same time.

It’s a goofy comparison, but consider a morning weigh-in. The scales say you’ve gained half a pound and you’re bummed (assuming, of course, you’re actually trying to ditch some Covid-inspired excess.) But you’re joyful despite the glitch because you know you’re committed to a path that will improve your health and get you to your goals as long as you don’t give up.

That’s joy. It’s a long-lasting, internal, personal way of living. It transcends happy. Joy doesn’t need external applause. It’s yours, but not for the asking. You gotta work it. Joy demands knowing one’s personal values and then working to fulfill those values.

“Happy” is a laid-back, passive word that delights in things. I’m sure happy the weather is glorious and the happy hour last night was fun. But the joy in that happy hour came from the supportive, caring relationships among friends. We could have been miserably unhappy last night and still be joy-filled.

Key West Joy | 5 values for aligning our goals

Is there such a thing as Key West Joy? I think so. I see it — feel it — when governing bodies, agencies, nonprofits, businesses and individuals align their projects and goals with these five values:

• Being a smart citizen: Citizens — elected, public or private — should understand the Key West, Monroe County, Florida and national governmental decisions that shape our quality of life and the wellbeing of our community. Transparency is fundamental. Open, public debate is crucial. And none of that happens without both educating and empowering others.
• Protecting the environment: Improving environmental practices to protect the island, its waters and its wildlife while integrating appropriate growth and development sustains our future. When we treat the fragile Keys ecosystem as if can withstand the assault of too many people, too many paved parking lots and too much careless demand, we put our island chain at risk.
• Helping those who help: Supporting the efforts of local nonprofits, artists and entertainers, businesses and religious organizations to achieve their goals helps us all succeed and preserves the best of Key West. We must seek out and do right by those in need, whether those needs are for food and shelter, safety from abuse and persecution or simply a hour of companionship.
• Supporting those who work: We must get behind local business owners, workforce and entrepreneurs and full-time residents to develop their potential to succeed and reach their markets because our island’s financial future depends on their success. We must invest in housing, education, immigration and child and elder care, ensuring those who work can do so without fear and uncertainty.
• And finally acting with “defiant joy.” That’s what Key West’s Steve Torrence calls it. Defiant joy. The willingness to speak truthfully to power, to celebrate humanity in the face of despair, to mesh the harmonies of resistance and to embrace glimpses of joy — defiant joy — in the most troubled of days.

I smile. A lot. I am, after all, a glass-half-full kinda girl who in an instant can go from woebegone to purpose-driven. I’d like to think most of my smiles are because I’m learning the difference between happy and joy. May you work your way to joy, defiantly.

LEARN MORE

Joy versus happiness

Why do Americans smile so much?

The Rev. Steve Torrence on “defiant joy” — Dec, 15, 2024, Peace Covenant Presbyterian Church