I’m bored. And as fast as I typed those two words, I could hear my mother saying, “Well, better find something to do, because I have a whole list of things to get you un-bored.”
That was, in case you wondered, a threat. Mom’s idea of un-bored had more to do with washing dishes, folding clothes and mowing the lawn than with dropping everything and heading for the park. With five kids, she wasn’t much into gentle parenting.
I’m bored because September in Key West is like that to-do list. Relentless. Maybe better words are “I’m weary.” Weary of tackling a to-do list that never shortens. Either way, bored or weary, September can be the best or worst month in Key West, but it’s not the same for everyone.
September marks the start of Grumble Season, which I arbitrarily say begins on the Autumn Equinox (8:04 p.m., Sept. 22) and ends with the island’s Holiday Parade on Dec. 5.
By the time we get to September, we are moldy. We are done with being as miserably hot at midnight as at noon. We are tetchy. There’s this sense of low-grade irritability we can’t help but share with everyone around us, even people we actually like. We are tired. Tired of the visitor onslaught that pays our bills. Tired of arguing over island politics and the disappearing of dozens of our coworkers and neighbors. We’re just plain vexatious.
On the September flip side, locals get our island home back. Deep into the month, there’s that first cool breeze signaling the end of summer. Visitors who’ll overrun the island come winter are busy with pumpkin spice on the mainland. Some restaurants close and retail hours shorten. There’s always parking, no waiting lines and locals’ specials at all the best open places.
Locals with spare cash love September because we have laid-back Key West to ourselves. Those living paycheck to paycheck? It’s a slog of making ends meet. And if your neighbor, coworker or your dad has been disappeared into the horror show that passes for immigration law in 2026? There’s no such thing as a good September.
September in Key West: Trying not to be a jerk
My mother was right, though. Bored? Weary? Get busy. And because I am, well, the mistress of lists, I made one. It riffs off a “visitor pledge” I concocted back in October 2019. I’m calling it the Grumble Season Guide. Feel free to adapt.
1. I will not be a jerk. Key West tolerates most human oddities, even these days when One Human Family comes with exceptions. I won’t stomp around the bank lobby, swearing at 100 decibels, because I was inconvenienced. I won’t vague-post nasty-grams like a berserk AI troll. Being a jerk is like pornography; we know it when we see it. Don’t be a jerk.
2. I’ll forgo the magic bubble myth that Key West can escape the real world. I will, instead, work to make a difference. Key West has long cultivated its “not the real world” mystique and, sure, we do have our moments. But the chaos and clutter of a disintegrating American democracy have seeped into our island isolation. We can fix things if we’re willing to ditch magical thinking.
3. I’ll assume most people want to do the right things. I used to be pretty good at that, though I have lost my way. I probably stopped during Covid 19, when masks became the symbols of good and evil. We had free rein and society’s blessing to shun those who disagreed — and we wholly forgot there were complicated, multidimensional people, masked or not. Since Covid we honed our two-dimensional judgment into badges we wear to sort out those with whom we disagree from our “tribe.” (Gaad, I cringe at that word. Cultural appropriation at best, it smacks of intolerance. I’d best stop using it. Now.)
4. I’ll leave my politics behind. Because if there’s any hope of doing those first three, I can’t get mired in how you registered to vote. We can work together if we agree on these things for our island: quality of life for locals, protection of the ecosystem, healthcare, affordable cost of living and competent government. Compromise and collaboration will follow for this purple dot in a sea of Florida red.
5. I’ll stop whining about September in Key West. I know September is hot, humid and hurricane-prone and that Grumble Season lasts into December. That’s no excuse for pretending there’s nothing to do.
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